Exams

Ohnoez

Less than 48 hours to go for my next crack at the CA final, I figured I’d write down how I’m feeling.

Am I nervous? No. Already done this once.

Am I happy? No, for the same reason.

So what I’m really feeling is a bit of resentment, a little regret but mostly hunger. I had dinner early today.

Hmm.

ANYWAY, just wanted to say hi, and share my favourite motivational video.

It’s a bit of a thank you for being so nice to me when I’ve been completely awful for not updating as often as I should. I’ve not really had the easiest year you know. So instead of asking me why I’m not updating, you guys should probably just pray for me to pass (atleast) this time.

A Good Speech

I love a good speech.
It’s amazing, the power that a good speaker possesses. In his element, he can make you believe that he has moved a mountain using his little finger. Even better are the speakers who make you believe that YOU can move a mountain with your little finger.
My favourite teachers have always been excellent speakers. Every time, before an examination was about to start, they’d deliver a mandatory rhetoric about how we were like race horses, like generals before battle, and how, if we trusted ourselves enough, we were capable of everything and anything that we have ever dreamed of, and more. We were bound to fulfil our destiny.

I love a good speech.
When you listen to someone who has more faith in you than yourself, you want to stand up and say, YES! I am everything that you just said I was.

I love a good speech.
Motivation fills it’s way through your bloodstream and finds itself in your brain, waking up all the little brain cells which were snoozing until now. “Wake up!” says motivation. “There is no time! We must get up, we are like race horses! We must get up, we are like generals before a war! Arise and fulfil your destiny!” Your brain is immediately filled with great buzz. We have a new leader! The brain cells seem to say, and get into work, their energy which had been so diligently conserved, finally put into use.

Half an hour later, you hear his voice.

“What’s the point?”

“I am like a prize race horse fulfilling my destiny!”

“No you’re not. You’re a 22 year old girl whose destiny is to make dosas. That is reality, that is the truth.”

“That is not the truth.”

“Really? Let’s try again. What’s the point?”

You don’t know. And he knows it.

“I love a good speech too darling, but be happy while you still can, go, watch a movie or something”

As Laziness walks back in, Motivation walks out. But the speech stays in memory.

Two things

1. Done with my CA Final! I don’t know how I’ve done or what the result will be, but I’m prepared for anything. Even if I’m not going to make it, I don’t mind writing it again, because it’s like one step left for completion. My direct tax paper was godawful so I’m not ruling out flunking. I’m not too worried about either result though. But my parents aren’t too happy with my attitude – my mother told me that if I didn’t finish it soon (“soon” being when my results come), she’d get me married. But she’s only joking.

I think.

2. A favourite post exam ritual for Amma is to go around cleaning the house. We managed to stumble upon a bunch of old VCR tapes – including my parents’ wedding video and a couple of tapes of my birthdays from 1993 and 1994. Watching it with the family was a fun exercise for the first 10, 15 minutes, but the more we progressed, the more traumatic it got, with Amma looking at the video, then looking at me and wondering loudly as to what the bloody hell happened.

Sigh. I have absolutely no idea either. 

Resolutions

At the risk of sounding like all those text messages you were spammed with for the last three days, Happy New Year, everyone! Now I’m not usually a resolutions kind of person, but I have 3 resolutions for 2011, which I should hopefully be able to stick to, so here goes.

1. Write 
To be honest, I haven’t been writing as much as I should have. Maybe it’s because I think before I write anything now (which is a complete rarity by itself, I never think before I do anything. I usually do something and then think about why I ended up there which usually results in me concluding that I should think before I do something. It’s complicated) and blogging has gone from being enjoyable to something like writing an exam. So this year, I’m going to forget it all and go back to writing like I used to, writing like I want to. You have been warned.

2. Study
My CA final exam is up this May. Meet my syllabus.

Yea. I know.

3. Eat
I lost a lot of weight the last year. When people ask me how, I giggle and say the stress of doing CA got to me. It didn’t. (Warning! This is going to get mildly serious-boring-depressing.) The past year (and a bit of 2009) I had a bonafide eating disorder. It started out as depression induced (because I had been a pseudo-flunkie), and then it started giving everyone around me depression. I still don’t feel too comfortable to give complete details about what happened, because it’s something that I’m really not proud of. The amount of control the disorder has over you, is scary – to the point where you associate everything that’s important with being thin. After what has been a difficult year, I want to reclaim my appetite, and I want to eat without feeling remorse after every meal. Being thin doesn’t make you happy. Nutella does.

Goodbye Tuesday

I am aware that it’s been a while since I updated. There’s been quite a bit of pressure from the work front and hence I was compelled to spend most of my time pretending to analyze a bunch of spreadsheets.

The week was quite eventful, I must say. It opened on a rather morbid note, with the date of my results being announced. I had my trademark I’m-done-for face the whole day in the client’s place and the accountant, P was visibly concerned. When I explained the reason for my twisted expressions, he was only too happy to explain that he too had written the same exam as I did and spoke about passing the exam in the same manner as one would about passing an LKG addition test. “Vaazhkayila edhuliyume na thothadhilla ma” (I’ve never failed in my life) he said, in a manner that Rajnikanth would have been proud of. P may be 40 and fat, but you gotta hand it to that guy for his never think twice attitude – whether its to pass an accounting entry or scratch his crotch in public. In all honesty, if that guy clears and I don’t, I’m taking a day off to go and throw bricks at the Institute building.

But more than my results, the issue which is seeming to cause tsunami like waves in the household is the whole swine flu scare. My mother seems to have taken full impact of all the ZOMG-swine-flu-we’re-all-done-for type stories that have been doing the rounds in television news channels and papers, so much so that she has gone on a disinfecting spree. Amma actually bought one of those jumbo Dettol bottles and sanitized every last pillow cover, as a result of which our house smells like the corridor of Apollo Hospital. I understand the whole better-be-safe-than-sorry deal but I sincerely feel that allowing me to bunk office, err, avoid possible swine flu habitats would be more effective.

Come to think of it, I’m actually happy that my mother didn’t prevent me from going to see Kaminey because of the flu. The deal was that we would be seeing it in Ega due to budget constraints among the peer group. Although Ega is renovated (read – no more compass holed seats), 99.99% of the crowd continues to be, Maarvadi. In the Shahid-Priyanka kissing scene, there were multiple hoots and whistles all around for a solid 2 minutes. I mean, I understand that they’re a cute couple and all but this was absurd. My friend helpfully explained that almost all of them would sit for a second show just for this one scene. When I inquired as to why, he told me that they were too “excited” to see anything the first time and would actually watch what was happening only the next time. On a completely unrelated note, I thought Kaminey was a very fun movie.

Moving on, the week also saw a sharp increase in my s/km (no of vicious stares/kilometre) measurement. For all those who haven’t driven in Chennai before, anyone who drives a car in this city are subject to vicious stares for no apparent reason from guys on bicycles who are convinced that their road presence is second only to the Chief Minister’s, and other random people who insist that the middle of the road is the best place to stare at shop windows. While them plebeians may insist that the apparent cause of the increase is my complacency in the acceleration department, I would like to think that people only stare in my direction because I’m cute. But then again, why they would do so venomously is something one must ponder about.

Keeping with the whole theme of traffic, if there’s anything that I find more pissing off than the woh-my-baby-be-my-sexy type english lyrics in Tamil songs these days, its these morons at the traffic signal who skip the signal when the orange comes on or get ahead when there’s still around 10 seconds of waiting at the Stop sign. As if that it isn’t obnoxious enough, these guys also honk incessantly in case your vehicle is blocking theirs.

Not judging here, but I’m pretty sure the guy in the TVS 50 whose path to glory I was blocking wasn’t James Bond/a Heart surgeon with an emergency appointment/an international drug smuggler who is being chased by Interpol. Then maybe, his haste was understandable. But here’s a man, whose emergency at the max, is meeting his attu girlfriend in Nageshwar Rao park for some lunch time louwings, who was honking as if his life depended on it! I didn’t give him way though, which meant that 6 seconds later Mr.KLPD would overtake me and then turn around and shout at me in the same manner the Indian cricket fan would whenever Sreesanth comes to bowl. 3 seconds later he got caught by the Traffic Police for not wearing a helmet. It’s at times like these that you’re all the more certain that there is a God.

I know what you’re thinking, and yes, you are allowed to be jealous of my glamourous lifestyle.

Studied and Saw..

Just wanted to stop by and dust a few cobwebs.

Exam to start in 2 days and here I am, without a worry in the world. I’m telling you, this is not me at all, usually I end up breaking a couple of blood vessels, throw a few things around, create mini nuclear explosions etc. However this time around I am totally stress free.
I think its the approach, I have become very Rajnikanth these days, quoting meaningless himalayan philosophies everywhere I go, much to my mother’s annoyance. Truth be told, she’s more scared of the exam than I am.
I don’t see the point though, examination is just a process, and this time I’m studying purely for the knowledge and not for passing.
I’ll study to pass in my next attempt I think.
Wish me luck anyway! Will be back June 12th 🙂
PS: Just in case you were wondering, the title of this post is inspired by a popular tamil song which has been my motto through out the holidays.

More bad translation (due to fear of chappal throwing, which seems to
be on its way to becoming an olympic sport, only the first stanza has been translated)

Studied and saw didnt get in head

Drunk and saw then i was well read
Smiled and saw, she said no no
Stared and saw, then she wanted to go!
Inspired, I know.

Night Sights

It has been 26 days since my study holidays have commenced and I am most happy to announce that I have made exactly 0% progress with my studying. It is most difficult, and I have reason to believe that my books have been spooked with a spell of some sort because everytime I open my books, I have this incredible urge to fall asleep, which I do, invariably, hence the progress. Or the lack of it.
I don’t believe its my fault. Its just that there are so many distractions. Take for instance, yesterday night. My mother had caught me sleeping on my desk that very evening. She suggested that instead of studying in my room, I could study in the balcony, where I’d get some fresh air as well.
Clearly, this was one of my mother’s very intelligent plans. The balcony would be airy no doubt, but it would also be home to mutant mosquitoes.
[weird trivia alert] I say mutant because they are much like the locusts who had mutated in order to accomodate DDT in their DNA, hence making them immune to it, these mutant mosquitoes have mosquito spray/repellant accomodated in their DNA. [/weird trivia alert]
This meant that spraying HIT (now kills cockraches!) would pretty much be in vain, and I had to be extra alert in order to ward them off and thus the chances of me sleeping on my Audit & Assurance textbook would be pretty neglible.

So I went.

The balcony gives a straight view of the road, which meant I could people watch while I swatted mosquitoes. Right across my house, there is Krishna’s Iron Vandi [cart], painted in a royal shade of blue. Krishna usually leaves at around 7.30 in the evening, so I didn’t expect any kind of movement there at 8.30, which was the time I went to squat, I mean study there.

But I was wrong.

While I was flipping the pages, trying to figure out the responsibility of auditors, I saw a leg, right outside the little iron van. I cocked my head a bit and my instincts were right. There was a body attached the leg. I got up in the pretext of reading my textbook and then casually glanced that way again. Male, 20ish. He had one hand to his cheek and a rather wide grin on his face. Probably on a call with his girlfriend, I thought. But what I didn’t understand was why he kept moving behind the van and coming out. I moved to the corner for a closer look and behold, hidden behind the van was a girl. A girl, with a grin on her face. And half her saree missing.
They were, as the immortal Bappi-da put it, louwers. Night Louwers.

Clearly, the spot behind the van was most convenient for their louwings. It was at a good distance from the streetlight and not easily notice-able unless ofcourse you were blessed with my observation skills.

“AMMA!”

The effect was almost immediate. The guy almost jumped away and the girl was trying to adjust her clothes and jump out at the same time. Then they looked around in a most amusingly frantic manner before walking (almost running) away from the iron vandi.
My mother came in to the balcony.
Enna aachu?” [What happened?]
“Nothing ma. Ennakku coffee venum” [Nothing ma. I want a coffee]

Ah, the simple joys in life.

Out with the old, in with the new

2009 is a very important year for me, for more than one reason.
Its the year of the Exam, for one. All my talk and scene of “doing CA” is going to be put under the microscope and I have to start full on prep to tackle my syllabus which looks the size of Mount Everest. I have already started the apple polishing to the big dude above as I always do before major exams. It worked for boards and CPT so yea, Big Awesome Dude up there, I hope you’re listening.
I actually have some resolutions this year, namely:

1. Try to study seriously, focus instead of playing text twist and jumble online.

2. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of doodling my IT class faculty as different varieties of pregnant hippo

3. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of taking “power naps” which last for a powerful one and a half hours.

4. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of watching Heroes for 6 straight hours.

5. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of undertaking “Operation Clean Room” to induce better concentration (apparently its a Zen technique. Clean rooms bring better concentration) but get too tired halfway and go to sleep

6. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of wasting time on the road by taking long twisted routes back home in order to increase geographical knowledge of the city.

7. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of going on to the internet for motivation and end up on facebook instead.

8. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of practising my signature in my notebook. Note to self: that signature is not worth anything until you clear your exams!

9. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of searching for new “TR Terror” clips on youtube.

10. Try to study, seriously, focus instead of opening the saliva/peanut factory every 5 minutes by practising extreme self control and self restraint.

Well, as you would have noticed, they are very diverse resolutions.

Happy New Year! And for putting up with me for one full year, you get a little treat.

Death of the Sunday

Yesterday was possibly the longest day of my life. It started at 4 AM, I kid you not, 4 AM. This was mainly due to a little something called Statistics and Operations Research. I had completely fooled around on Saturday after coming from my English exam (Which was so-so. I hate English exams. The syllabus was complete crap.) so I had to wake up early to revise formulae and even figure out a few concepts in OR. I left to my exam centre at 8.30 am, and reached there at around 9.15 (its at the other end of the city, off Old Mahabalipuram Road) only to see people mugging formulae which I hadn’t even heard of. But I didn’t panic. I knew that if I tried a stunt like that, I’d end up forgetting what I had already learnt. So I just sat there and spaced out for the next half an hour after which I went to my room to write my paper.
It was incredibly hot day and I actually had a lot of fun pissing my invigilator off by “sitting inappropriately”. Before you get any ideas (!), I was sitting with my legs crossed on the chair, which according to my invigilator was apparently very unladylike (“No ma, you is not able to sit like that. Sit legs down ma”).
The exam was ok. I am pretty sure of most of my problems. Maybe I screwed up theory, I gassed a lot. I’ll pass. Which is pretty great for 4 hours of study (Like I said, I fooled around too much on Saturday after coming back from my English paper).
I finished my paper in two hours and left the hall. And you’d think, it being a Sunday, the rest of the day called for some well deserved rest.
It didn’t. I got a call from my audit manager asking me to report to office. Good Lord. I had inconveniently forgotten to take cash from my father in the morning as well. I had a grand total of Rs.30 in my wallet.
Which could mean only one thing.
B-U-S.
After some investigation regarding bus routes, I managed to get on the gloriously empty M7. It had a grand total of 5 people including one couple who were only too keen to show the rest of the planet that they were in love. The route was pretty terrible though, painfully long. On a brighter note, I managed to see parts of Chennai I had never seen. After getting off at T.Nagar, I was terribly tempted to go home. But I persevered and managed to catch another bus to my office. All this in 38 degrees of magnificent Chennai heat and an empty stomach.
And work stretched to 8.30 in the night. My mother called only once though and when I told her I would be back only at 8.30, she said “ok, catch an auto and come”.
I think she’s losing the whole “oh-my-precious-delicate-daughter” vibe which I have mixed feelings about. I mean, its great to be independant, trusted and all, but I am really not satisfied with the folks at home until I see some panicking and some “Aiyo Rama”s. I was almost angry at them for not being worried. Which is something I can’t explain, really. I have always complained about my mother’s endless worrying, but now that she’s not worrying, I am angry.
Complex emotion, this.
Anyhow, I somehow managed to leave by saying that I had class in the next morning.
Only when I reached home, I realized it was Sunday.
I think its some kind of karmic action for having too much fun the previous day.

And that was how my weekend died. With statistics, work, sugary tea and Good-Day biscuits.

Forgive this post, I am completely out of ideas and my neck hurts from all the staring into the computer. So I thought I’d write about my Sunday. Or the lack of it.

Thath Thvam Asee

Exam starts tomorrow. My exam centre is in the other side of the city which means I have to catch some shady bus, which is not at all fun.
First exam up is Sanskrit. The portions mainly consist of grammar and a bit of literature. The literature part of it is pretty hilarious, the translations to the poetry bit are particularly side-splitting.

“The younger sister of Ravana who is afflicted by cupid’s disease approached Ram like a snake oppressed by the heat of the summer would approach a sandal wood tree”

-verse 32, canto XII, Raguvamsa
I feel sorry for Kalidasa, the good man.

Oh well, Economics on Sunday, the portions are truly terrible and I haven’t covered an inch. But here I am, writing. Typing rather. I think I will apply for the post of President in the Honorary Society of Advanced Procrastination. Tomorrow.
English next Saturday. The portions are terrible, with dreadfully boring essays about err…I don’t really know, but knowing the University, I think I’m pretty accurate. Following English is this horrendous subject called Statistics and Operations research. It is puke-worthy and the syllabus is as vast as it is boring. The last exam is thankfully Financial Accounting. Child’s play.
My main concerns for worry are the twin terrors, Eco and Stat. And if I had an ounce of conscience and common sense, I’d be studying right now.
But I will shamelessly admit that I have neither and extend my presence here, albeit for a short while (I may not have conscience or common sense but I do have a Mother. A very loud mother.)

Speaking of mothers, Parents’ anniversary coming up this weekend. They will complete 21 years of holy matrimony (1987 – 2008) . While the Mohan-and-Padma-method-of-raising-daughters may not be perfect, I’m pretty convinced its the best.
Besides, even after 21 whole years, the two of them as corny as ever. Just yesterday, Appa was complaining of giddiness. When Amma asked him since when he had been having the feeling, he replied “Since the day I met you.” and Amma started giggling on cue.
I groaned, obviously. And gave the “Indha-vayasla…” (at this age…) dialog. But I was giggling inside too. Personally I think its unfair that the world’s best husband is married to my mother.
And until a couple of years back, I was pretty sure it was an arranged match. Turns out it was not. Amma is Appa’s best friend’s sister’s best friend. Quite a connection huh? That story I will leave for another day. The softspoken lady my father fell for is after me and If I don’t leave now, the consequences may be dire.
Happy anniversary!