Month: July 2009


I am sick. My throat is clogged, which means I now posess a barritone the likes of Amitabh Bachchan, coughing fits that have rendered me unfit to handle any kind of beverage without spewing it all over the floor and a nose so runny it’d give Usian Bolt a complex.
Going to the doctor didn’t help much either. Don’t get me wrong, our family doctor is a wonderful wonderful man, and he’s the guy who’s treated nearly 3 generations of common cold in our family, which is probably the reason why he still treats me like I’m 2 and insists on giving me a piece of stale candy everytime I visit him. But that is when I go with my mom or dad.

Sometimes when I go alone, he doesn’t recognize me all that well. You might think it’s a good thing, but no, it’s only worse because then, he asks me if all is well with my husband.

Surprisingly he recognized me this time, and gave me the usual “the last time I saw you, you were 3 feet tall and had 2 ponytails!” lines. I tried to giggle but ended up coughing and infected pretty much his entire clinic with my germ trail. I think that was the precise moment he stopped talking about my grandmother’s stomach problems in the 80s and started writing my prescription. Thankfully I was spared of the stale alpenlibe.

The antibiotics that he had prescribed for me pretty much knocked me out for most part of the day, and in the process also killed my tongue (everything tastes like a mixture of sawdust and cardboard).

I’ve probably used half the amazon’s trees in tissues, it still hurts to swallow anything, my head is woozy and my nose is setting new track

Oh well. Whatever it takes to bunk office, eh?

Cutlery FAIL

A saltshaker, no less. 
Spotted in Sangeetha, R.A Puram. 

Also, I think their Chilli Parotta should carry a statutory warning for stomach ulcers.

A PCC Week

Advanced Accounting: I am currently in this client place in Nungambakkam on audit. The accountant there, lets call him PSH. The reason I write about him is because of his amazing ability to have gone for the past 10 years without taking a shower or brushing his teeth. Despite the man being a walking bio harzard, I do feel I should thank him, for he’s the reason my Yoga skills have improved by leaps and bounds. Most notably, breathing exercises. Inhale, hold.
Auditing and Assurance: I have been assigned to do this audit, alone. The lack of having anybody to talk to about the universe and everything in between has basically has resulted in me actually working, and I am pretty much on the cusp of completion. This not only surprised PSH and the director of the company, but even me! The team which went last year comprised of 2 people, both very smart but they took an extra week more to complete it. Clearly, I am either smarter than I give myself credit for, or I’m missing something.
I’m going to go with smarter.
Law, Ethics and Communication: I got into trouble near Khader Nawaz Khan road for parking my car on the side of the road where I was apparently not supposed to park. I walked out to the car only to find a big clamp, well, clamped on my tires! Wonder of wonders, the police van stood 100 metres away. I walked up to the police van with my best I’m-so-lost face and peered into the van where two traffic policemen were enjoying Bajjis.
Yennama?” [What ma?]
Sir…enoda..vandi…lock potrukku” [Sir…my car…it’s been locked. Notice the strategic uses of the pause to display apparent lack of knowledge regarding traffic rules. Strategy strategy.]
Aama ma, wrong side parking. Fine dhaan” [At this point, I wanted to say that since it was fine, he could remove the lock. But I didn’t]
Sir…receipt kadaikuma?”
Aama ma! Enna lanjam nnu nenachiya? Cha cha, elaam legal procedure ma. Naan dhaan SI, rules padi na sign pota receipt dhaan unakku kadaikkum” [Did you think this was a bribe? cha, everything is legal procedure. I’m the Sub Inspector, and as per the rules you’ll get the receipt signed by me. The man was completely ticked off at me as I had suspected the kadamai-kanniyam-kattupaadu-ness of his actions]
I continued to give him my pained puppy dog eyes.
Ennama? First time a?”
“Yes sir…” [Not counting the 3 times I’ve gotten caught near Luz, the time I got near Nandanam and scared the policeman by crying (long story) and a couple of times I ticked off a policeman near Alwarpet, this was very much my first time]
“Seri ma, chinna ponnu maari irukka, first time-nnu vera solra, 150 kattu, porum.” [Ok, you seem like a young girl, and you say it’s your first time, I’ll let you off for 150]
Clearly, saying “first time” has its benefits in more places than one.

Cost accounting and Financial Management: Lunching in Nungambakkam for the past week, I have been thoroughly spoiled for choice. The first day I had been sent there, however, I was completely unprepared, which meant an empty wallet and the “emergency” 50 Rs note in my bag. Hunger pangs are classified as emergency, ofcourse. But that also meant that my choices would be severely restricted. I figured my best bet would be a milkshake at the Fruit Shop On Greams Road’s tiny outlet in the BPCL Petrol bunk next door. That was probably the only day I was ecstatic to have been broke. The outlet is operated by this completely completely gorgeous man! Since then I’ve been going there everyday, so much that he doesn’t give me the menu anymore. And grins at me. And says bye. And completely makes my day.
The juice is pretty good too.
Taxation: The day the budget came, I went home to quite a surprise. My baby cousins were visiting. One of them, S, is quite the 2 year old. She had just started attending pre-school and was only too intent to put up a mini show (starring her) comprising of all the rhymes and other kindergarden-y stuff that she had been learning the past few months. After going through itsy-bitsy-spider, humpty dumpty, a hindi rhyme about moti haatis, she started started singing this rhyme about her fingers. It started well. “whev is thumbkin, whev is thumbkin” she went and promptly lifted her thumb. We applauded. This only made her even more excited and she started saying the next verse even more loudly. This particular verse, went “whev is pointher, whev is pointher” and well, she showed us her middle finger. While the entire family was in splits, her mother was mortified. “No, no, its this finger” tried her mother, showing her index finger. S just wouldn’t agree. According to her, the “pointher” wasn’t anything else but the middle finger and pretty soon, she threw a tantrum (which involved a lot of um, finger lifting) until everyone in the room (including her mother) agreed that the “pointher” was our middle finger.
Kids these days!
Infotech & Strategic Management: The past week also saw the Upanayam of my cousin A. A is every bit the NRI 11 year old – very cute, very smart and yea, annoying as hell. He was staying with us until his “oopanuyyanum” and as much as we adored him, managing a kid who ran around saying stuff like “My body is on a schedule” was very, very difficult. Soon enough me and my sister learned the perfect way to handle him – the computer. After A discovered Pocket Tanks, he was much more bearable since he didn’t have to spend all day trying to get us to pull our hair out. We were a wee bit worried as to how to handle him during the actual ceremony, which required quite a bit of patience in an environment that was pretty alien to him. However, managing him during the oopanuyyanum was not a hassle at all, because the purohit had him completely petrified with his enormous bulge and hence, had him eating out of his hand. The end of the day, A came back home, completely exhausted, albeit excited at his new acquisition. “I now have a POOnol” “Yes, congratulations!” “Hey, can I ask you something?” “Sure”The effect was pretty much immediate. His eyes widened and a wide grin spread across his face. “Now that I have a POOnol, am I like, married?”
I said it once, I’ll say it again – kids these days!