Month: March 2008

A Slip of the Mind

Disclaimer: As unbelievable as this may sound, everything & everyone mentioned here are real.

Chutney’s Top 5 “What were you thinking?! moments” in no specific order:

1. My sister has the habit of multitasking. She’s particularly good at chatting with 10 people at the same time on Gtalk. Once, she was talking with two people, X & Y, both who were orignally my friends but eventually ditched me when they fell for my sister’s cutsie-pieness (not). So, in an attempt to piss her off, I grab the keyboard from her and type “X, X, look varsha is putting (tamil/english slang for flirting) with Y” and hit enter.
I am jubilant.
“Stuppid!” my sister shouts.
“Haha!! Gotcha! Bakra!”
“Idiot, you are the bakra. You just typed that in Y’s chat window”.

2. I had seen the movie “Oram Po” that afternoon and was on an after-movie high since I really liked it. I was in my room listening to the movie’s soundtrack on my iPod when my mother called me. I thought it was for my evening coffee. So I went out to the living room, singing “Jigu Jickaan Jigu Jickaan Jickaan” at the top of my lungs. Wonder of wonders, my dad’s biggest client was sitting in the living room, trying very hard not to burst into laughter while my parents looked like they wanted to melt into the floor.

3.During my outstation audit in Pune, I had been fiddling with the settings of my Phone and before I got to reset settings to original, we were called to the Manager’s room. My phone rang. Which meant my ringtone was Borat saying “I like-a you. I like-a sex. It’s naaaaice.”

4. When I was in my 8th or 9th, Eminem was all the rage. And like every ‘cool’ kid, I knew the Slim Shady song backwards. I had even burned a CD for the CD player in my car (which amp-ed up my coolness). Dad picked me up one evening. We were perfectly happy listening to the local radio when my dad suddenly reached for the “source” button on the player. And within seconds, Eminem’s dulcet tones and dignified opinions fill the air –
“And there’s a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don’t give a F**K (extra emphasis) like me”.

5. I went for CPT Coaching to this ultimate Hellhole during the months of June & July. It was around 3pm on the 2nd of July, I remember it oh-so-clearly. I had been there since 6 in the morning, and I hadn’t had lunch either, so I was really, really, pissed. I was cussing outside – “I fricking hate this place! That bloody N (teacher there)….I swear, I wish he walks by now, I am so totally going to strangle him to death.”
To cut a long story short, my wish got fulfilled the next second.

I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I am very much for real.

UPDATES:
On popular request, this has been made a tag (Although I have a sneaking suspicion that this already is one).
So yea, the rules are simple, 5 screw ups in no specific order.
I tag you! 🙂

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Now playing: Frank Sinatra – Theme from New York, New York
via FoxyTunes

Echoos me Mr.Gowariker, time please?

Disclaimer: The author is a patron of Masala movies, prefers an impossible-but-happy-ending to a logical-but-real-and-making-sense one anyday. For her, a movie is nothing but having a good time, eating popcorn and throwing some at the aunty in the front row. She’s also a die hard thalaivar fan.

Almost everyone I know have watched Jodha Akbar, and gave me different reviews but I still didn’t get enough enthusiasm to actually go for the movie. However, things changed some days back when I heard this particular dialogue at the bus stop –
‘Dei maame, sodha akkubar paathiya da?’
(Excuse me good friend, would you have by any chance, watched this movie by the name ‘Jodhaa Akbar’?)
‘Sodha akbar a? illiye, nee eppo da telungu padam laam paakarambicha? Saetu figure-a madakriya?’
(Jodha Akbar? I’m afraid not old chap, I say, you have been appreciating movies of other languages, jolly good! You are truly a man of culture!)

That conversation sparked interest to finally go and watch the movie.
Jodha Akbar is a movie of epic proportions, and this extends to the length of the movie. The movie is about, well I’m not really sure. But mostly about the life of Young Akbar, his marriage with the Rajput princess Jodha.
The movie is brilliant, visually. The costumes, the sets and most importantly, the lead cast of Hrithik and Aishwarya represent human perfection. The music was one of the major highlights of the movie as well, Rahman does not disappoint.
But that’s all there is, like one of those swarovski ducks. Absurdly expensive, extremely pretty to look at, but hey we can look at ducks only for a certain amount of time, no matter how much they cost. The movie goes on and on, only to finish abruptly.
There are a lot of things about Akbar that the director has tried to tell us in this movie – his religious tolerance (scrapping the hindu taxes, letting jodha follow her own religion), his principles of justice, his devotion (there’s a scene where he joins a group of sufi singers in a trance), and particularly his constant confusion, not only about the perfect administration of his country (trying to figure out what the ‘aam aadmi’ want) but also keeping his high-maintenance princess happy. The only thing more perplexed than the king’s mind would be the movie itself. It starts out as a historical romance, becomes a documentary, then a bollywood sentiment saga, tamil megaserial (kitchen politics?! come on!) and then becomes a romance once again. The process keeps repeating, and after a very long time, the movie ends, and you’re still left wondering –
i) What the hell was that about?
ii)Ouch my back hurts!
Apart from the length, the narrative was extremely annoying, it left no room for imagination, very preachy. There’s the whole ‘religious equality’ concept that’s stressed on throughout the movie and it gets overbearing after some time, making it groan-worthy.
Ashutosh Gowariker seems to have chopped a lot of Akbar’s other personality traits, the grey ones (apparently Akbar had a very active sex drive) to give us an image of a pretty perfect emperor. There are plenty of holes in the plot (Jodhaa’s mother had come with a plan for her to escape from the wedding. Why was she then also ready with poison? Did she not believe in her plan? Was she so desperate? If so, how come she had no major role to play in her daughter’s life later? also, why was the assassinator waiting to be spotted by Akbar’s men?) and taking care of them would have made Jodha Akbar the movie it aspired to be.

To cut a long story short (if only we could try that on this movie), Jodha Akbar is a glossy magnum opus on the outside but a bollywood movie on the inside. Watch if you must. Or wait for the DVD, that way you’ll have fast forward power!

Once upon a time…

There was a princess who was born on the 8th day of March. She was a total brat and got her way. But she was also awesome. The guys wanted their girlfriends (they couldn’t obviously wish for her to be their girlfriend, she was way out of their league) to be like her and the girls wished their boyfriends would stop doing that. Everybody listened to her since she was so funny and awesome and she was pretty much the centre of attention where ever she went. The best part was, she had a superpower. She would never ever grow old.
She would stay like this forever.

Clearly, I may have exaggerated a bit on the last line.

Picture: coconut chutney, circa 1993.