After 10 months of procrastination, I finally signed up for Driving classes. I had registered for the “special” class. There was nothing even remotely “special” about this, only the fact that I had to drive one otta (useless) santro car instead of the usual otta maruti 800. My instructor was a sotta (bald) middle aged guy. He beckoned me to sit in the front passenger seat and started questioning me
“Sooo What are you doing ah?”
“Oh oh oh. Ok.”
“Now you want to drive ah?”
No, I came here to learn how to make sambar.
I nod my head anyway.
“Ok ah. In KG classes, you lerrn. Yae faar Aapil, Bhi faar Baal, See faar Cayt. That is KG ah. Driving-gu, you lerrn, Yae faar Akkselaraturr, Bhi faar Brake, See faar Kletch. Understanding ah?”
I nod my head vigourously.
“Understanding means repeat-tu”
“A for accelerator, B for Brake, C for Clutch” I repeat, feeling more like an idiot with every syllable.
“Layft feet on kletch. You put kletch and then put gear. And you release kletch ah. 2.5 inches. Called-du biting point ah. That time you STAMP accelerator ah. Understands?”
STAMP accelerator. Got it.
“Woh-kay! Now you are ready ah. Come this side.”
I get out of the car and get into the drivers seat and take the steering wheel into my hands. I feel a strange sense of power.
I turn the key and in my excitement turn it a bit too long, making the engine go Vroooooooom.
Instructor mama gets tension.
“Enna ma, want to driving race ah? Sumal turn, SUMAL!”
The santro was so otta that I had to summon quite a bit of energy into pushing it in, and to add to my stamping woes my instructor was hollering ‘Push! push! push-ah! Full!’ that would have put a gynaec to shame. After finally pushing the clutch and changing the gear, I conveniently forgot the next step so the car groaned forward for 2 feet and stopped.
“Akselarator ma, you forgot ah? Trying again?”
I follow his instructions properly this time and manage to get the car running. The car moving gave me such a high that I forgot to take my foot off the accelarator.
“AIYIYO! Speed ma! Speed no! Speed slow! Not so fast on first giyar ah. Brake brake.”
I snap myself out of my NFS dreams and get back to learning to gear shifts.
I drove 4 kms for my first class. By the end of it, the instructor mama had a few hairs in his sottai head astray. But I thought I did it pretty well, the turning bits especially (“Aiyiyo! Left-tu! Turn turn! Aiyiyo! Vegetable man! Horn ok, horn! horn!”) .
“Ok ma. You are fast ah. Come tomorrow, same time ah. Okay tata bye bye. Go walking slow ah.”
“OK sir, bye bye” I say all enthusiastic.
As I walk away, I can hear him mumble something about retirement.
I have a feeling that I will get my license very, very soon.
Now playing: MIMS – This Is Why Im Hot (2oo6)